LEARNING HOW TO MERGE

Pre-baby life and post-baby life sometimes look vastly different for me.

Pre-baby I did things like: curled my hair, had organized closets, made dinner, showered regularly.

Post-baby I do things like: compare the safety ratings of car seats, run out of dry shampoo and laundry detergent more often, shop for the baby instead of myself, and play and laugh more than ever.

Sometimes my pre-baby life feels like a lifetime ago, and in some ways, it is. But this new version of my life and myself has so much more to offer, creating something even better than before.

I used to be a runner. I loved to run. Running and group exercise classes are my top two favorite forms of exercise.

But I have an 8 month old baby and I just now got a jogging stroller. I have no idea what took me so long to make this happen. Sometimes you're so in something that you can't really see clearly, you know?

I think the first bit of motherhood was like this for me. But now, at 8 months postpartum, in the middle of winter in the northwest, I have a jogging stroller. The timing seems simultaneously odd and perfect.

Because there are some things from my pre-baby life that are too good to leave behind. Things like self-care, exercise, and endorphins. These are the kinds of things I want to bring with me into this new self that I'm becoming, as I begin to merge my old life with the new.

Running is one of those things that feels like it's at the core of who I am. I ran my first 5k at age 12 and have ran many races since, including three half marathons, (which is the longest distance I will likely ever desire to run thankyouverymuch) but it's enough and so much more for me.

I feel like myself when I run, and as a new mom, sometimes I just need that little reminder. That even though I have this new identity as a mom, at the core of it I'm still me. The me who loves to run and read and write and design. The me who is all those things and a mom. Not one or the other.

Babies demand a lot, and it's a good thing to give into that, giving up sleep and time and priorities for now, but it's also good to hold onto a few things that are non-negotiables. For me that looks like taking care of myself so that I can best take care of my baby. I can only pour out all my love, time, patience and attention when I'm filled up first. Running is one way that I'm trying to do more of that.

Stroller pictured is by Thule (too-lee), the trusted outdoor gear brand, and this post is shared in partnership with them.  Originally I chose this stroller because of the Baby Gear Lab jogging stroller review here, and while I absolutely love it for running, I was surprised at how great it also performed as a day-to-day stroller. It's lighter than the Bob or Nuna, the straps click in much more easily, and the three wheel design instead of four is a game changer in terms of maneuverability (and as a bonus it's the least expensive compared to the other two by a landslide). If I was doing it all over again I would just have this stroller as my main one, plus the car seat attachment for the first few months. Truly a great buy.

KITCHEN APPLIANCE GAME CHANGER

I posted yesterday to Instagram that I got this milk frother for Christmas and it's been a game changer.

It's similar to Nespresso but less expensive with better reviews, it's an Amazon best seller and unlike the cheaper handheld ones, it warms the milk too. Love that it's one touch (hello, mornings with a baby) and even froths almond milk which I didn't think possible. Got a few requests for the brand so wanted to share here. (Not sponsored, just sharing!)

Enjoy!

2016 IN REVIEW AND MY WORD FOR 2017

Alessandra Arendt Photography

The year you have your first baby it's kind of tough to think of anything major happening that year other than the baby, but 2016 surprised me with all that I was capable of, in more ways than one.

We took a surprising amount of flights which I didn’t expect (44 totaled between the three of us) with Trey clocking in 10 of those. Challenging but doable, growing for sure.

Other key stats: the amount of books I checked out from the library (56!), mostly pregnancy, birth, or baby related, and the rest design focused or cookbooks.

We went on fewer dates but I remember them more, mostly for the uninterrupted conversation and less about the restaurant, and how sweet it is to get time together at this stage of life. We’re shooting for quality over quantity here.

My word for 2016 was grow. It was a tough year for me; growing pains I guess. I had a long and difficult pregnancy, and then unrelated to the baby, we got difficult news more than once. But, I do feel like I grew in huge ways; the obvious one (I gained and lost nearly half my body weight, I became a mom, etc) and the not as obvious ones: the ones not shared on social media and harder to pinpoint, the quieter, subtler, but life changing ones. (Our baby also participated in grow by tripling his birth weight in 6 months instead of the standard 12. #bigbabyclub)

We won the lottery in the baby department with Trey, and although having a baby always involves work, it’s the kind of work that you want to work for, because it’s so beyond rewarding. He’s a complete delight; he’s happy and giggly and cuddly and chunky and all the best things about babies. The amount of happiness he brings us daily is almost absurd. When I think back on this year, what I mostly feel is just so very thankful.

What I learned this fall is that while wonderful, post-baby life left me with a fraction of the time I had available for work. I took on way too much. This left me stressed out, resentful, and disappointed. I was living into the extremely high and unrealistic expectations I placed on myself in the name of wanting to DO IT ALL which proved to be unhealthy and so detrimental to me.

I said no last year more than ever before, and I will continue turning down many, many good opportunities, because I have one important thing on my plate right now: taking care of Trey. My inbox also requires attention and is important, but less so. I remind myself that someday, I will have more time. What will remain decades after this busy time of life is not the emails I could get back to or the income I made but the memories I have of the time I spent with my child.

I scaled way back, and at first it felt foreign and hard, but I’m leaning into it more. I’m realizing that my capacity is not defined by anyone else’s capacity. Just because someone else is doing XYZ + ABC does not mean I have to. I want to find my limits, and live in that space, of taking on just enough to feel productive in my work but also at being a present mom. I want to succeed at both, and to do that I need to guard my time fiercely and confidently.

The two books that had the most profound impact on me this year were: Present Over Perfect by Shanua Niequist and Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner. Both carried the message that we’re doing too much and it’s ok to do less and maybe take a breath once in a while. I devoured these books and hope that they steer a new course for me next year.

My word for 2016 is PLAY. I need this reminder that it’s just as important as work. Playing with Trey, yes, but also play for me. Getting outside more, working exercise back into my life more, less time in front of screens, more time on the floor. This is my small reminder to not take myself so seriously and to remember to have fun while I’m creating a life.

In 2017 I will be turning away from the crazy hustling that left me stressed out and overbooked, and instead creating space for playing, simplicity, and lightheartedness. I want a calmer, happier, slower life. Play is the word I’m choosing to help me do just that.